by Ruby Macario
In 2007, NSOLL Rector and Parish Priest Rev. Fr. Mon Atanacio, OFMCap. invited me to share my healing journey before churchgoers at NSOLL on Good Friday. This is my story – a reflection on the Fourth of the Seven Last Words.
Twelve years ago, I was super busy. I worked in the office from morning till late at night. Attended meetings left and right, in the office and at the parish center, with little time left for the family. Right before my eyes, I saw the hair of my boss turn from black to gray and, to my surprise, as if on auto-pilot, my children became teenagers. There was no time for myself and especially for the children – all boys, all Lourdesians.
Work, work, work even as I had to miss lunch. Absorbed all the stress, just so I would look good in the eyes of the boss. Party tonight? Go! Wedding this weekend? Go! No invitation was turned down. As long as I could, go! I wanted to please everybody. Until one day, in late January 2007, I was told that I had colon cancer stage 4. “Hold a second,” I said. “I have a lot of concerns to settle, in the office and in the church.”
I just finished my term as a Circle Regent and Cubao Diocesan Secretary and I just got installed as San Pedro Bautista Vicarial Regent of the Daughters of Mary Immaculate, plus I was Secretary of the Parish Pastoral Council of Lourdes and Social Service and Worship Ministries. “I have lots of work to do!” But all these had to be set aside. In the privacy of our bedroom, my husband and I cried and cried. I was tempted to ask God, “Why have You forsaken me?” But I checked myself.
I had to undergo immediate surgery. This happened during the Lourdes fiesta. Our Lady of Lourdes covered me with her mantle of protection. An outpouring of prayers came from friends in the church, the office and all around me, most especially our parish priest, who anointed me twice, here in NSOLL prior to surgery and in the hospital after the surgery. The extensive procedure took almost seven hours.
Prayers do work miracles. After a battery of tests, my cancer was downgraded to Stage 1-b. To top it all, none of my doctors charged professional fees. All I had to pay, less the Medicard claims, was a mere P 3,800 for everything. All I had to worry about were my chemo medicines, the amount of which was equivalent to a brand new car – which I just considered as a gift of me to me. My family gave me all-out support and love.
What a blessing. The Lord had not forsaken me. And then I asked myself: Did I forsake God in any way? In the “busy-ness” of my businesses, did I remember to greet Him in prayer? Did I thank Him? Did I think of Him? Not all the time. I guess maybe only when I was in great need of help.
Left alone in my room, I had more time to reflect on my sins of omission to the Lord: work was my priority, followed by activities outside work, then God, family and myself. I had been negligent. Yes, I said my morning prayers, but He was absent from my mind the rest of the day. If I was not too tired, I did evening prayers at the end of the day. This was wrong, simply wrong.
I was given a second chance. I am so blessed. One month following surgery, I had to undergo eight chemotherapy sessions followed by twenty-six radiotherapy sessions. I offered to the Lord all the pain that coursed through my veins as the chemical flowed to all parts of my body, including the subsequent head, body aches, and blisters after radiation. I knew that all these were not enough. Those small needles were nothing compared to the huge nails that pierced the hands and feet of our Savior. I had strong faith that our God is a good God and He does not expect anything in return. My conversion was enough. Humbled by illness, I always said that God put me in a win-win situation: If I lose the battle, I go back to my Creator. If I win it, I remain with my mortal loved ones. Win or lose, I still win.
God is good and He has not forsaken me. Many of my plans were put on hold but everything in the office went on, as usual. Even in my absence all tasks were completed. I was not as indispensable as I thought myself to be – but not in my home. My youngest son needed my attention. He needed my caring then more than ever. I promised that, from then on, my priority would be my God (take time to thank and praise Him every moment of the day), my family (give them all the best of me), myself (remember to take care of myself to better serve others) and my work (in the office and in the church for God’s greater glory). I will not forsake them as God has not forsaken me.
On February 5, 2008, one year after my surgery, as I was watching the estandarte of Our Lady of Lourdes after the fiesta novena, in a procession on the aisle of NSOLL, my sister called to say that I am now cancer-free. I find it meaningful to receive the good news in front of my healing patroness, who seemed to remind me that I need not go to far-off places like the Piat or Manaoag to be healed. She was just there in her shrine to watch over me and heal me, right there and close to home beside me.
To this day, I ask myself why I have been spared of the Big C. Answers come trickling as the call to service beckons. Today, I have accepted the top leadership of the Daughters of Mary Immaculate International and the return to service at the National Shrine of Our Lady of Lourdes. Most importantly, my bunso has become not my only concern as there are several other cute little kids to take care of, my beloved grandchildren. Indeed, God has not forsaken me.
#NSOLLPH
